Movin' on!

It wasn’t easy,

Oh it never was!

I’ve wasted 3 years, fighting for a lost cause…

Finally have understood somethin’, should’ve known that long back…

When I was thrown out like a rug-o-sack,

But whatever it is, whatever it was, I have decided to move on..

We’ll meet someday again, but not as friends…

‘Cause ...

Have turned away, left the past behind...

Stopped seekin’ FRIENDS I know I’ll never find...

Movin' on - this is my END!

It is no one to be blamed but me,

You all were a part of my fantasy,

I have never been good, I have always faulted

I have always clung on to you, when you never wanted…

Finally I have learned my lesson, I promise not to repeat,

Guys so long, I’ll not bother you again, ‘cause

Have turned away, left the past behind...

Stopped seekin’ FRIENDS I know I’ll never find...

Movin' on - this is my END!

Those were some great days, I thoroughly enjoyed them,

Some moments of ecstasy, fun and a few of shame,

I was rude, selfish, and a big time bore…

You always gave me love, but I kept askin’ for more..

Without givin it back, what was I thinkin’,

Oh! May be ‘cause I was smitten by someone, I hold on to her clingin’,

She never really liked me, I remained in hallucinations,

I suffered a lot, not ‘cause of her, but of me,

I shouldn’t have done some stuff I did,

But now,

Have turned away, left the past behind...

Stopped seekin’ FRIENDS I know I’ll never find...

Movin' on - this is my END!

I apologize for the moments, I gave y’all trouble,

Had a lot of dreams, but reality has burst that bubble…

I always wished, if the time turns back, there are mistakes I’ll rectify ,

But now I don’t wanna do that, I’ll just say goodbye…

I had many complaints, but have realized they were all with me,

So please guys for once accept my apology, and……

Finally,

Have turned away, left the past behind...

Stopped seekin’ FRIENDS I know I’ll never find...

Movin' on - this is my END!

Adios,

Regards,

Kunal Lodha

Is it wrong to expect! ?

I know even before you read, you are thinkin' - No kunal, it isnt wrong to expect...but you shouldn't expect TOO much!

Yeah yeah, I know! TOO much is Baaayyyd! but what exactly IS too much!?

when you call someone a friend, you do stuffs for them but all they gotta do is to hang out with people who are more fun, have good jokes to say and make fun off others behind their backs - not knowing that behind your back the same persons say disgusting things about YOU too!!!

I had a discussion about this with two other people a few days back! mr S and ms S!

We all had experienced problems with expectations - one of us experiencing it recently. And we kept telling to each other - see, you shouldn't expect this, that the world's selfish, that being alone is better, this, that, blah blah blah! I felt good to give such gyan and then what happens? I come into my room and start expecting that these people with whom I have shared my thoughts will understand why I am such a disgusting person! or rather a loser something what they call me!

I know its ironical but then that's what human tendency is. You just cant stop expecting. Okay, like me you wont be expecting much of people you talk to or share similar tastes - but you do expect it from your parents and family and if you're lucky to have some people you call friends!

You might think - 'nah man, it ain't true. I really don't expect anything from anyone. I am all fine by myself. I don't need anyone......'. But that's the biggest lie you are telling and that too not to me but to yourself. Imagine you doing everything for your roomie or friend - remembering his/her birthday, buying gifts, getting all emotional when s/he is leaving, or coming back, etc! all those emotional and foolish things you do to see that charming smile on their faces. And IF you don't get something, or you see them not spending time with you, or getting busy or just not in mood - you'll put on a brave face of understanding, go sit on your computer surfing. But in your heart, you're feeling bad. I know you do. and you know it too. That's because you expect. You expect to be loved back. You expect to be get the same or better treatment what you give to others. You expect it and accept it people!

That's what i do. I expect the same treatment - not better but just the same kind of gestures from people. Nothing more, nothing less! And there's nothing great I do that can't be given back. But then, my bigggest problem is that I am not a fun person you can hang out with right. And because being a bore is a criminal offence under "Society Laws - 101", I should be punished. I should just give and not expect back. Just because I don't fit into your scheme of things, I don't deserve to expect. I just don't deserve it...oh yeah!!

And it is wrong. Yeah, I know my blog title says that freedom means not to expect anything. but I don't know if I ll ever be able to get to that point. Iwish Icould. But I also know I wouldn't! only if Ayn Rand were alive!



Adios!

Regards,
Kunal Lodha

P.S.: My blogs getting depressing day by day. I think I need a break!! :)

सब कुछ चलता हैं!

आज कल यह एक ख्वाब रात भर सताता है,
आँखें जब खुलती हैं वो ख्वाब टूट जाता है,
ख्वाब टूटता है तब दिल ज़रासा जलता है,
पर क्या करें यार, अब तो सब कुछ चलता हैं!

पता नहीं क्यूँ पर तन्हा घूमना रास आता हैं,
पता नहीं क्यूँ भीड़ में दिल घबराता है,
फिर भी दूसरो को खुश देखके मनन में कुछ खलता है,
पर क्या करें यार, अब तो सब कुछ चलता हैं!

तू अगर अच्छा है, सच्चा है, तो तेरी यहाँ जगह नहीं,
यही आज की रीत है, इसकी कोई वजह नहीं,
सबको अपनाने वाला आखिर में सिर्फ हाथ मलता हैं,
पर क्या करें यार, अब तो सब कुछ चलता हैं!

दुनिया अब किसी की नहीं रही, सब अपने में मस्त है,
दोस्ती एक नाकामयाबी है, ख़ुशी गंगा में अस्त हैं,
दोस्तों, सिर्फ अपनी सोचो, अब इसी में सफलता है,
क्या करें यार, अब सिर्फ यही चलता है!!

मिलना है तुमसे, बहुत कुछ कहना है
जुदाई यह कुछ भी नहीं, आगे बहुत कुछ सहना है
मिएँगे कभी, साथ रहेंगे, यह अरमान दिल में पलता है,
पर क्या करें यार, अब तो सब कुछ चलता हैं!

Adios.
Regards,
Kunal Lodha

Lost!

i had lost you, years ago,

but the strange thing is -

now i don't want you back,

i don't want anything bright here, or white here,

i m now used to black,

i am used to the darkness,

the hopelessness,

the loneliness...

the never ending tunnel of despair,

my life got screwed such,

that nobody can repair!

i don't want you, o smile!

you better be lost...



you know na why were you lost,

'cause some friends took you away,

friends - the word, the illusion that doesn't exist

anyway,

they took you, and you went along,

singing that goddamn song,

and i was left here,

with tears,

with hopes,

that you would return...

but you didn't, oh damn you!

you didn't!

i waited and waited, and finally...

i lost!

i lost my battle with sadness,

it has empowered me,

tortured me...BUT!



but tell you what ? i am also through...

i don't want you,

now do whatever you can do!

let people ask "kunal, don't you smile ?"

i ll say happily,

no i don't,

i don't, i don't, i don't!!



P.S.: This is dedicated to my college people from K.C. College.